


Reverse

by fragmentedfigments



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragmentedfigments/pseuds/fragmentedfigments
Summary: When Eris arrived in America five years ago, she had cut all ties with everyone back home, including her parents who strongly disapproved of her leaving. She was determined to start a new life, forget the pain and the last memory she had before leaving this country. But it was impossible, right? It’s been half a decade and even after years of trying to forget him, Eris knew at the back of her mind, she never forgot about Roger Taylor.





	1. Prologue

_Prologue_

 

**LONDON**

**1971**

 

It was quarter to nine in the evening and supposedly, there should be music blaring out loud with the chattering of the crowd clouding the place. The atmosphere should smell like sweat and smoke, and the room shouldn’t have this too much light. Yet instead, Eris stood by the telephone at her parents’ house, pulse racing and breath hitching. This was not how she pictured her night starting.

 

She takes a deep breath, trying to form the words to say to the person on the line. She was petrified, her feet suddenly felt heavy to move, and her fingers are starting to feel cold.

 

“Ms. Gray, are you still there?” The woman who broke the news exactly two minutes ago spoke again, her voice sounding concerned.

 

“Yes, I’m still here.” Eris stutters as her eyes begin to brim with tears.

 

“It would be advisable to get yourself checked up again, just to see see if the baby…” Her next words became a blur as Eris tries to take in everything that’s been said to her for the past four minutes she’s been on the phone.

 

Before the woman on the line could even finish her statement, Eris beats her to it, feeling her head pound already. For fuck’s sake, what is happening? Eris thought. She was on her way to the pub where she should be spending time with Roger along with Freddie, Brian, and John who she hasn’t seen for over a month now. But before she could even step outside the house, the phone rang, where she received that god-awful news she’s never even thought of hearing any time soon; not when she was just getting into med school, not when Roger is just kicking off with his music career.  But it had to happen now, at the very worst moment: She had to be twelve weeks pregnant.

 

“Th—thanks for the call,” Eris croaked, “I’ll make sure to go to the hospital soon.” She put the phone down before leaning against the wall beside her. God, she was getting dizzy. The woman’s words echoed in her mind and it was all too overwhelming, she couldn’t think straight.

 

Eris tries to collect her thoughts while pacing back and forth in the living room. She brings her thumb to her mouth, nibbling on it. Half an hour had already passed and she was seconds away from losing her mind. She and Roger had just received their BSC and while they’ve been in a happy, committed relationship for almost three years now, they’ve never talked about settling down, let alone have a child. Sure, marriage was brought up once or twice, but they have other plans long before that; plans the two of them have talked about before they even met in college.

 

A knock on the door abruptly halts Eris from pacing. She stood frozen in her place, terrified that she has to face Roger this early. Before she could even wrap everything in her mind. Her breath hitches, legs not daring to move while she waits for the person at the door to speak.

 

“Eris, darling, are you home?” Freddie hollers and relief quickly rushed through Eris’ body from hearing that voice. She bolts to the door, grateful to have this person out of anyone in the world in her house right now. She swings the door open, revealing her good, old friend’s face.

 

“Ah, thought you should be home. I was on my way to the pub when I saw your light still open, so I figured—”

 

Freddie was cut off with Eris engulfing him with a tight hug, “God, Freddie. I’m so glad you’re here.”

 

“Well, can’t say I’m surprised. Anyone would be glad to see me.” Even without his face in view, Eris could picture the bloke’s smirk plastered on his face as he hugs her back. Typical Freddie Mercury, oozing with confidence.

 

They both enter the house with Freddie following Eris who is anxiously biting down her lower lip. She clasps her hands together, trying to formulate how she’s going to break it to him. Eris turns to face Freddie and parts her mouth only to be disrupted by Freddie’s enthusiastic clapping. He rushes towards her, a wide grin etched across his face.

 

“You will not believe who just phoned tonight!” Still grinning, Freddie’s warm hands held her cold ones. He paused for a quick second, letting the anticipation hold longer and continued, “EMI Records! They’re interested in managing us.”

 

It was difficult not to feel the weight in Eris’ chest getting heavier. Again, she should be mirroring Freddie’s smile, hugging him and congratulating him, and maybe even dragging him outside so the both of them can go and tell the rest of the guys. But the sadness and pained expression was evident, and it was only natural for Freddie to look confused.

 

“Are you alright, darling? Gosh, you look pale.” Freddie touched Eris’ cheek then her forehead to check before pulling her to the couch.

 

“I’m sorry… I…”

 

“Do you want me to fetch you water? Or do you want to catch some fresh air? Jesus, you look like you’re going to faint.”

 

“Fred, I need to tell you something.” Eris’ voice was low and somber and Freddie knew right away this was something serious. He sits beside her and stayed quiet, letting Eris take her time. She looks up to him and Freddie grew more concerned seeing the tears build in her eyes.

 

It pained Freddie to see her like this. Eris had gone through pain but never had he seen her this vulnerable and lost, and to say he was worried was an understatement.

 

“Darling, please. What is it?” Freddie’s voice came out as a whisper, full desperation laced in those last three words.

 

“I’m pregnant, Fred.” Eris couldn’t help but free the tears that have been long coming and shamelessly broke down in front of Freddie. She lowered her head down, struggling to catch her breath as Freddie takes in her words. It was silent for a moment, only Eris’ sobs contained the atmosphere.

 

“Have you told Roger?” was Freddie’s first question. Without looking up, Eris shakes her head, wiping her tears.

 

“I just found out a while ago, I… Fuck, Freddie. How could I even tell him?”

 

Eris leans down to rest her elbows against her knees, hands raising to cover her face in frustration. Eris knew Roger loved her, god, the man was obsessed with her, but she was also aware of Roger’s passion and fixation when it comes to music and the future he had pictured for himself and Queen. And the last thing Eris would want to do is ruin it all for him.

 

Freddie breathes out and holds out his arm to touch Eris’ hand. He gives it a tight squeeze before rising from his seat. He marches down to the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboard while the damsel confusingly waits for him. Minutes later, he comes back with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He sets them in the coffee table, pouring each glass with his and Eris’ favorite Sauvignon Blanc. He hands Eris her drink before taking his own and clinking their glasses.

 

“So…” He begins, crossing his legs, “What do you want to do?”

 

This is why Freddie is who Eris’ needs the most at this moment. Freddie and Eris had a fair share of tragic moments together and in those times, it was always Freddie who Eris confided more because of his means of addressing problems. He neither condoles nor sympathize. He refuses to lengthen the misery you’re in by giving words of comfort by saying ‘It’s okay,’ because hell, it is not okay, and you’re in this unfortunate predicament, so what are you going to do about it?

 

“Should I break up with him?” Eris asks.

 

“Are you mad?” Freddie almost spit out his drink, appalled at what the words that came out from Eris’ mouth. “Do you honestly think that loved up arse is going to let you break up with him? Not in this life, dear. Try again.”

 

Eris sighs. “Fred, if there’s anyone in this world who knows him just like I do, it’s you. And you know very well that his priority right now is his career—Queen’s career, to be exact. Not me, not this baby.”

 

“I’m very much aware, yes.” Freddie nods casually. He adjusts himself in the couch comfortably and takes a sip. “But I’m also sure of the fact that if Queen is his priority right now, then you’re the most important person in his life, not just right now; since we all met in Kensington Market, yesterday, today, and for the rest of his life, unquestionably. He loves you, Eris. More than anything in this world. He’d do anything for you.”

 

“That’s the thing, Fred,” Eris exhales, fingers fumbling on the glass. “I know he would. And I don’t want him to. He’s come a long way to be where he is right now. I’m not messing it up.”

 

Freddie stares at Eris skeptically and much longer than usual, not a sound coming out from his mouth. He raises an eyebrow, finishing his second glass this evening.

 

“What are you planning to do, Eris Gray?” Voice accusing, Freddie folds his arms under his chest and patiently waited, hoping it’s not what he was thinking.

 

Seconds turned to minutes. The deafening silence wasn’t helping either. For a moment, Eris held her breath, thinking long and hard of this decision she was making. She was not one for impulsiveness, but this was the only solution she could think of, just so Roger could continue with Queen without any distractions.

 

“I haven’t told this to anyone yet…” Eris briefly closed her eyes, leaning against the couch before blurting it out. “I’m planning to study in the states while Rog works on his music with you guys. I was supposed to tell him tonight, but… this happened, and I think, maybe, this is better for the both of us, you know? Maybe it’s good that we part ways so he could focus more on his career and Queen.”

 

Freddie kept still for a while. Obviously, he wasn’t delighted with what he was hearing.  “Right, so what are you saying?”

 

Eris sat quietly, not responding. Freddie furrows his eyebrows together, seeking answers before realizing what Eris is planning to do.

 

“You’re not leaving without telling him… are you?”

 

Again, Eris gives him no reply. She clasps her hands together and and held them against her lips, not daring to look at Freddie who was starting to have a headache.

 

“Eris…”

 

Eris purses her lips together and interrupts him. “I will tell him eventually, but not now.”

 

Freddie lets himself fall to the couch, dramatically sighing. He puts his arm against his forehead and shakes his head. “God, you’re going to kill him. He’s going to be crushed.”

 

Eris blinks her tears away before moving closer to Freddie. She reaches to his hand and grips on it. “Please take care of him.”

 

Freddie rolls his eyes. “You two are a handful, you know that?”

 

Eris giggles while tears sprung from her eyes, probably the third time this night. God, how much she’s going to miss Freddie, Brian, and John. But nothing aches more than knowing she won’t see Roger, her best friend, soulmate, the love of her life, in a very long time.


	2. Now I'm Here

**CHAPTER ONE:**

**LONDON**

**1976**

 

The second the pilot announced their landing, it took every ounce of courage in Eris not to book another flight back to Boston. She was absolutely terrified, every part of her body felt shaken, and she could almost feel her heart withdraw from her chest.

She grips on her luggage tightly while waltzing her way outside the airport. The icy breeze of London quickly greets her and she shivers, sucking in a deep breath. Eris honestly doesn’t know what to feel now that she’s officially welcomed England back to her life.

Exactly five years ago, she stood here, messed up and lost. Never had it crossed her mind that she’ll be planning to go back, let alone stay for a long time. But here she is now, five years later, standing in the same spot as she was in before.

Minutes later, a jet black cab halts in front of Eris where a middle-aged man climbs down the car with a warm smile etched across his face.

"Thank you." Eris mumbles before stepping inside the car, her stomach churning in uneasiness.

"Where to, love?"

Eris’ lips twitch a little at the old chap's accent. It's been so long since she has heard a proper English accent and she only realized now how much she had missed it.

She smiles at the silver-haired man with a grey hat resting on his head and gave him her parents' address. He nods before flashing another one of his warm smiles.

The man who introduced himself as Preston was a great distraction for a while. He told Eris stories about his escapades before he became a taxi driver. He was nineteen when he got married to a girl he met in his cousin's wedding. They both had three children until Victoria, his late wife, lost her life to a fire incident in her workplace. He moved to Glasgow six months later with his two girls and only son and worked as a clerk there until all his children became professionals. His eldest daughter became a pediatrician, the second one a journalist, and his youngest an engineer. He retired from his job and backpacked Asia for a year before joining some charities. There, he met his first love and best friend, Charlotte, again after thirty years. They've been living together for three years now and he had been a cab driver since.

"What about you? What's your story?" He looked at Eris through his rear-view mirror and she stares back before parting her mouth to speak.

"Nothing interesting," Eris chuckles a bit.

"You said you were gone for five years in America. What's not interesting about that?"

"Hmm... Let's just say I wasn't as adventurous as you, Preston."

The old man snickers, "Everyone is adventurous, love. Just depends what kind of an 'adventurer' you are."

Eris grins at that, nodding in agreement with Preston. Once they reached downtown, Eris was again left with all her thoughts draining all sanity she could have left since she left the state. ‘Only twenty-one days,’ she chants to herself. She only has twenty-one days in this nightmare and life will be normal again.

Diverting her attention, she stares out the window while humming to the song playing in the radio. And as if the universe was playing with her, the car abruptly halts as the stoplight turned red. Eris’ chest tightened when her eyes caught sight of the familiar building of Imperial College. This is what she feared of, honestly. The attachment, the feelings—all the emotions that would come creeping back once she returns to London. When Eris arrived in America five years ago, she cut all ties with everyone back home, including her parents who strongly disapproved of her leaving. She was determined to start a new life, to forget the pain and the last memory she had before leaving this country. But it was impossible, right? It’s been half a decade and even after years of trying to forget him, Eris knew at the back of her mind, she never forgot about Roger Taylor.

It wasn't long when she reached home. The rusty gateway came into sight and something abruptly jerked in Eris. Nostalgia, maybe? She was not sure, but the erratic beating of her heart didn't stop until she arrived at the doorstep. She contemplates for a few moments before reaching for her key inside her bag. Inserting the key of her old household, she twists the doorknob and instantly, the cool ambiance of her parents’ abode welcomes her. It took Eris seconds before she could step inside because of how much had changed. The old cream-colored walls had now turned into turquoise and some of their old furniture are nowhere in sight.

Eris leaves her luggage at the corner by the telephone and strolled a bit, looking at the framed photos while taking in the place she had never thought will see again. Along with her footsteps, she suddenly hears her dad's voice. She stops her tracks and followed the vibration of his laughter through the walls which led her to the kitchen. There, she saw her family who she left, talking and laughing. She watches them by the door, thinking how much she had missed this sight, how many Christmases she had missed, and birthdays she couldn’t attend to. Just looking at all three of them just sent a rush of guilt, piercing through Eris’ chest.

Eris’ dad was sat on his chair, reading his morning paper and a cup of hot coffee rested around his fingers. His arms had gotten bigger since the last picture she’d seen of him and his beard had grown longer too. Her mother, on the other hand, was standing near the stove, making breakfast. Wrinkles covered her forehead and strands of her hair had already gotten white.

Eris felt a sudden pang of pain, a gut feeling at the pit of her stomach when realization hit her. It wasn't easy when she left. It was out of the blue. After _that_ incident, she came home and went straight to her parents’ room, announcing she would move to America, continue med school there, and leave the country for good. She became a total disappointment to her father, her mum had gone ballistic, and her little sister... Gosh, she can't imagine how hurt she was when she discovered she left without a word to her.

"Eris?"

A faint voice broke Eris off from her thoughts. She looks up to see her mum's shocked face. Her eyes, round and colored blue looked at her as if she was a ghost.

Eris pulls out an awkward smile and waves at them, "Hi."

And before she knew it, there was her mother bolting towards her and hugging her for dear life. Eris’ mother squeezed her back tightly, almost breaking her bones. She briefly pulls away and brings her hands to cup her daughter’s cheeks, checking if who she’s seeing was really her child. Tears continually rolled down her eyes and just like that, the guilt hit Eris again like a slap.

"I’ve missed you so much." Eris’ mother wails, embracing her again.

Eris fights the tears building in her eyes, burying her face against her mother’s shoulder. "I missed you too, mum."

"Eris.” Eris’ dad greets her with a smile. If it was torment she’s caused her mother, it was impossible to find the right word to describe what her dad could’ve felt when she left.

Eris clutches on his shirt tightly, stifling a muffle. For the very first time since that day five years ago, Eris felt more at ease than ever. She has gone through a lot while living in the states, especially during the months she was carrying her child. She was alone in an apartment, figuring out how to survive alone with her unborn child. She was thankful enough to have a pre-med course in Biology, but being a mother without anyone’s support was not included in the curriculum, apparently.

"I’ve missed you so much, dad..." Eris mutters.

He didn't say anything. Eris’ father kisses her temple and just smiled before turning away. Until now, he was still disappointed in her and she couldn't even blame him.

Jonathan Gray is a neurosurgeon and since Eris was six, she had always wanted to follow his footsteps. She grew up having better interest in reading Science books than to play with dolls her mother buys. She watched medical documentaries rather than cheesy rom-coms. She spent her high school years preparing herself for med school. She was always at her dad's hospital, watching and learning, and basically waiting to be a surgeon like him. And because of one tragic night, she left and flew across the country.

Eris turns now to her sister who had grown so much. She was a spitting image of their mother. While Eris’ eyes were dull gray, hers had the spark of the ocean—blue and bright. While Eris’ hair was a boring, straight hazelnut, hers were shiny, wavy, blonde strands; and while she was the called snobby daughter of the Grays, she was the strong personality, basically the star.

"Rose, hey." Eris first greets her.

Rose smiles at sister awkwardly as she walks closer. Eris studies her sister’s features, biting her lower lip, astonished at how much she had grown to be so beautiful and slowly, she wraps her arms around her not so little sister anymore.

"You look so beautiful." Eris breathes out, pulling away to see her again. She touches Rose’s hair, feeling her eyes get damp again as she takes a second look on her. She was really, really beautiful; an exact replica of their mother.

Rose found it weird to see Eris again. They’ve barely talked since she left and seeing her now feels strange. For five years, she was used to just looking at Eris’ photos, but when Rose stared back at Eris’ eyes, she felt a surge of familiarity. She bites back a whimper. Until now, she was still confused how her sister just left in a blink of an eye, without even contacting them in the five years she was gone. She was angry at Eris, but finally holding her sister now, all the anger she’s been holding had faded away and she was just happy to be able to hold her again.

“Don’t think I’ve forgiven you for leaving without saying goodbye.” Rose playfully punches Eris.

Eris laughs at that, squeezing her sister’s cheeks, and hugging her again. "I know. I've got three weeks to repay everything."

"Three weeks?" Eris’ dad question, his voice firm and low.

Releasing her hold on Rose, Eris turns to face her father who's looking at her in resentment. "I'm not coming back home, dad. I have my own life now."

He heaves a sigh and puts his mug down. He turns around and walked towards the kitchen door. It was Eris’ cue to follow him. It has always been like that for as long as she could remember. Even that night she had gone home. Eris’ mum reached for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Eris returns a small smile before finally bringing herself to follow her father.

Eris reaches the third floor, hearing nothing. The hallway has always been this quiet with only one room residing. Her feet padded through the carpeted floor until they freeze in front of the quarter’s door. It was still the same copper door with Dr. Jonathan Gray’s initials engraved on it.

As Eris enters the room, she noticed only the office hasn't changed. It was still the same, old chamber that was used by her father. The last time Eris was here was the very first time she broke down in front of him. He had his back on her and she knew he was trying so hard to keep a firm composure while Eris tells him that she wants to leave and not continue med school at Imperial College. Jonathan was a bit controlling, but never one to force her daughters to do anything they didn't want to do. So the respectable man he is let her daughter go despite the disappointment radiating from him.

Eris was lost in her own train of thoughts until she hears her father clear his throat. He still looked professional as ever. A medical gown rested on his chair beside him and Eris smiles a little, seeing how much he has accomplished as a successful neurosurgeon in London.

Looking up, Eris sees he had finally hung up the massive galaxy puzzle he bought her on her twelfth birthday. Before she left, she and her father still haven’t completed it. But looking at it now, it seems he finished it without her.

"Got tired of waiting for me, you finished it by yourself?" Eris asks, nodding at the large puzzle hanging on the wall.

Her dad shrugs, staring up at the puzzle. "Found it at the storage last year. Thought I'd use it as a sign."

"What do you mean?"

"Told myself if I complete the damn thing, you'd come back.” A small smile draws on his lips as he looks at his daughter. “And you did."

Eris scoffs playfully, "Please, even without the sign, you knew I'd come back."

Pocketing his hands, he paces around his desk and leans against it. "I expect you to stay too."

And it begins.

"Dad..."

"Don't start with me, Eris Gray."

Eris sighs heavily, "I'm twenty-six, dad. I'm not a child anymore."

"Exactly, you’re twenty-six and should be back home, working at _our_ hospital. That was our plan.”

“Dad, I need time…”

The old man scoffs, already losing patience. "Time? I have given you five years. Don’t you think that’s enough misery you’ve put us through?”

“But dad—”

"What really happened to you?" Jonathan finally asks, eyebrows knitting in question and curiosity. "Out of nowhere, you come home, telling us you're leaving, while you cry your eyes out without even explaining anything.”

Eris was finally feeling the jetlag. Her head’s already spinning and the exhaustion from the plane ride, and all the crying and this whole conversation is already making her dizzy. She slowly drags herself to the couch and let her body fall against the cushion. She leans against the headrest and stares at the ceiling, heaving a loud sigh.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t bring myself to tell you everything now, dad. Give me time. Three weeks. And I’ll tell you everything—from that night to the five years I’ve been gone.”

Eris didn’t dare look at her father. Instead, she kept her eyes on the ceiling, swallowing a lump in her throat. It was a long and hard decision to come home after that dreadful night. If she was just selfish enough, the thought of returning wouldn’t even have crossed her mind. But it’s been five years and she can’t hide her son forever.


	3. Love of my Life

**CHAPTER TWO:**

 

“I had cereal, an apple… Then Chris made me a ham sandwich for lunch…”

 

Eris couldn’t help the smile growing on her face just by hearing her son’s voice, telling her about his day… Well, what he ate today, to be more specific. It’s been almost just a day and already, she can’t wait to come home and return to her routine: work, go home and spend time with her son. She was sprawled against her bed, a duvet wrapped around her while the telephone rested against her ear.

 

“That’s great, bub. Don’t forget to brush your teeth before sleeping, alright?”

 

“I won’t! Don’t forget to take off those little circles in your eyes too.”

 

Eris chuckles at her son’s remark. Sometimes, when she’s too tired to clean up before bed, Eris forgets to take off her contact lenses and her son, being the observant child he is, seemed to have picked that up and since then, he’s been reminding her every night in case it slips off her mind again.

 

“Alright, mister. Time for homework. Say good night to your mom so she could already rest too.” Chris’ voice hollers in the background with the rattling of plates and utensils on the table. Eris wanted to talk to her son longer, but she’s been drowsy and lethargic the whole call, and there’s nothing she wants now but to hit the sack, not to mention after that exhausting conversation she had with her father.

 

“Already? But I haven’t told her about school yet.” The five-year old pouts, eyebrow furrowing in discontent. Eris’ little man is one talkative boy, but he’s surprisingly chattier than usual tonight. They’ve been on the phone for almost an hour and still, the boy hasn’t ran out of things to talk about.

 

Chris sits beside the kid, ruffling his hair. “I know, buddy. But you still have your Math homework.”

 

The little boy grumbles softly and breathes out a puff of air. “Oh, alright then. Good night, mom. I love you.”

 

Eris chuckles lightly, blinking her eyes open. “I’ll call you tomorrow and you can tell me all about what you did at school, alright?”

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

She smiles sadly at her son’s voice dripping in disappointment. “I love you, Nate. Good night.”

 

Eris hears shuffling and incessant soft grumbles and she couldn’t help but laugh to herself. That was her son, alright.

 

“You two just love talking to each other, don’t you?” Chris jokes through the phone.

 

Eris smiles at that. She does love talking to Nate, in fact, she could listen to him all day and still feel engrossed with their whole discussion. “He wasn’t much of a handful, was he?”

 

“Are you kidding? Not only did we listen to Sesame Street on repeat on the ride home, we also watched Popeye while having dinner, we had a fantastic time.”

 

Eris rolls her eyes, “Your sarcasm is not needed at this time, Christopher.”

 

Chris laughs. “No, but really, I had fun with him, Eris. You know how we both get along. You don’t have to worry.”

 

Eris yawns, feeling weight in her eyes already. “Thanks, Chris.”

 

“Alright, I think we should call it a night. You sound like shit already.”

 

Eris hums, already unable to respond properly. She hears another faint laugh from Chris, saying ‘good night,’ then she hangs up, instantly drifting off to sleep.

 

*

 

The next day was pretty uneventful for Eris. She woke up at past noon with a pounding headache, had brunch all by herself, and spent the rest of the day trying to keep herself busy while waiting for her mother to come home from the supermarket. At around four, she had finally brought herself to unpack her stuff and re-organize her room. It hasn’t change much, she noticed. Everything was still in its place just like how she left them—except for that one photo she recalls she had thrown out the day she left. It was now back on her nightstand next to her lampshade, clean and looking new. For a moment, she stared at the two faces grinning widely at the camera, both arms engulfing each other. Eris clearly remembers when that photo was taken. It was their first day of their last year in the university and Roger’s mother insisted in taking the photo as a remembrance. Grabbing the frame, Eris opened her drawer and kept the photo, carrying on with organizing.

 

Once the sun had set, Eris tried phoning for her son, but after four tries, she gave up, thinking maybe the two went out to have dinner. Since Eris began her residency, Chris, her neighbor, has always been her right hand, especially in babysitting Nate. It has been a tough year since she started working two years ago while Nate just turned three, but it was more bearable with Chris there. He was more than willing to take care of a child than to spend another evening alone, so when he heard his next door neighbor needed someone to look after her three-year-old kid, he insisted on it, and since then, Chris became a part of Eris and Nate’s life.

 

Eris was lounged in the kitchen, watching her mother cook dinner when she started to get bored. She’s been working nonstop for the past five years and for the first time, she was doing nothing and her mind’s a total blank. It’s driving her crazy.

 

“Is the pub near Imperial College still open?” Eris queries, her chin resting over her palm.

 

Lauren Gray turns off the stove and shifts her gaze to her daughter, nodding. “That’s where Rose is going tonight, I think.”

 

“Oh, so she’s not coming home for dinner, then?”

 

“I’m afraid not. She wanted to cancel so she could spend time with you, but she couldn’t at the last minute.”

 

Eris just nods absent-mindedly, sighing while tapping her fingers against the table. She stares out the window, debating whether she should go out tonight or not. It’s been months since she had a proper drink and it would be really nice to actually go out without having to think about work or Nate waiting for her to come home.

 

As soon as she had finished dinner, Eris changed and called a taxi to drive her to the pub just a couple of blocks away from Imperial College. She arrived forty-five minutes later, surprised at the amount of people gathered outside. For a local pub at nine in the evening on a Wednesday, it’s a bit unusual to see a crowd like this, considering too it was a school night.

 

Eris finally enters the tavern after queuing for nearly ten minutes and was welcomed by a familiar ambiance. It was dark, warmer, and loud, just like how she wanted her night to be. She squeezed her way towards the bar place and thankfully found an empty seat right away. She ordered her gin and grinned to herself, contented at how at peace she is at the moment.

 

After the band ‘Phoenix’ finished playing, Eris was already on her third glass of the night. She wasn’t exactly drunk, but she was aware of the alcohol finally kicking in. The lights by the bar suddenly dimmed, only a spotlight hitting the stage, and suddenly, the crowd went silent, as if anticipating something extraordinary happening. Moments later, four men enter the stage and everyone starts howling and cheering. Feeling already woozy, Eris tries to make out the faces of the band members, but fails miserably with the swarm of people gathered before the stage.

 

She continues to down her drink while waiting for the next band to play. This was how it was back when Smile and Queen were just starting and still playing in local pubs. She stays at the bar, waiting for the guys to come out and enjoy the night jamming to their music and watching Roger play, and she would just watch him, the proudest smile plastered on her face.

 

“Hello, my darlings. It’s nice to be back. Did you miss us?”

 

Hearing that familiar voice almost made Eris’ heart sank. She quickly got up from her seat and tiptoed, neck stretching and eyes squinting. And there he saw, Mr. Freddie Mercury, clad with nothing but a red mantle and white trousers. A crown rested on his head and he wore that smile he does when he’s indisputably happy.

 

Freddie continues to talk to the crowd and slowly, Eris’ eyes search for Roger who was behind the drums, smirking at their lead singer’s antics. She couldn’t clearly see his face due to the lighting but the thought alone of she and Roger being in the same room was almost suffocating. It made her heart hammer intensely against her chest. Suddenly, it was difficult to breathe.

 

Eris grew confused. She didn’t expect them to be home this early. Queen’s tour just ended yesterday. How could they be home tonight?

 

The band kicked off with ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ their most famous record yet and obviously a crowd favorite. The crowd was ecstatic, singing along with Freddie, but Eris couldn’t help but feel distracted, eyes going back and forth to one particular drummer.

 

She had heard their songs multiple times on the radio and hell, she was beyond proud knowing the band was getting the attention and appreciation they deserved.

 

The crowd was already hyped and going crazy once they’ve finished ‘Seven Seas of Rhye.’ Freddie drinks from his cup, wiping the sweat on his forehead. He brings his microphone to his mouth and laughs when the crowd started to scream, whistle, and applaud.

 

“Thank you.” Freddie blushes, licking on his lips. “Sadly, this is the last song of the night.”

 

Multiple boos and groans filled the room and Freddie dramatically rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut up.” He jokes and his audience laughs. “It’s been a lovely night with you all, and we’re all absolutely thrilled to be back to where it all started. This last song is a song I’ve written last year and it is a song very close to me and Roger.” Freddie turns to look at Roger who looked exhausted, but managed to give a lopsided smile.

 

“Please sing along.” The drummer says through his microphone.

 

Brian strums his guitar and a familiar melody enveloped the room. For some odd reason, Eris couldn’t take her eyes off Roger whose expression instantly changed when the song began. He was slouched on his seat, playing with his drumsticks when John walked towards him. The bassist pats his friend’s shoulder, mouthing ‘You alright?’ and Roger nodded, flashing a forced smile.

 

“ _Love of my life, you’ve hurt me._ ” Freddie starts to sing. The room was silent for the first time with only Freddie’s voice and Brian’s guitar containing the atmosphere. “ _You’ve broken my heart and now you leave me. Love of my life, can’t you see?_ ”

 

Eris kept her stare at Roger. God, how much she had missed him. It’s been so long since she had seen his face. There were a lot of times she would catch Queen on the television doing interviews and every single time, she couldn’t stand listening to Roger, let alone see him. But right at this moment, there was no pain nor hatred, there was just longing and wistfulness.

 

There was ache in her chest, the kind of ache that makes it hard to breathe; the kind that’s too overwhelming. It’s the feeling she has been dodging for the past five years. And now, here she is, meters away from Roger, and only if she could, she would run up to him, tell him how proud she is and how much she had missed him. But she stayed still in her place, enjoying the moment she could watch Roger from afar.

 

“You sing.” Freddie moves his microphone towards the crowd and as always, his audience complies. It was a beautiful moment; something the band never got used to. Tour after tour, they always have the same, exact reaction from their fans and every single time, they still feel astounded by it.

 

Humming to the song, Roger’s eyes wander in the sea of people and he freezes when he caught sight of someone familiar. Roger squints his eyes, trying to look at the woman sitting by the bar. His head hovers for a clearer view but the woman suddenly turns her back to finish her drink.

 

There was a spur of the moment emotion that jerked in him, but Roger quickly brushed it away, like he had always done. He mentally slaps himself for allowing himself to be in that state of fragility again. He’s come a long way to be this okay. He’s not ruining it just because he’s back home.

 

“ _Love of my life, love of my life…_ ”

 


	4. I'm Going Slightly Mad

**CHAPTER THREE:**

 

By the time the band was forced to do an encore, Eris was already hammered. The crowd was starting to get wilder and Freddie hyping them more wasn’t helping with her headache. As Brian do his guitar solo, Eris downs her sixth glass and decided that was enough to forget this dreadful night. She gets off from her seat and instantly loses balance, causing her to fall against the counter, both arms supporting her weight. Shaking her head, she blinks her eyes, trying to keep her vision clear.

 

Eris attempts to stand again when Rose found her. Thankfully, her little sister’s sober enough to take her home because only god knows how she’s going to leave this place in one piece with her head already spinning.

 

“You should’ve told me you were coming!” Rose shouts, trying to overpower the loud cheers of the crowd. Eris playfully smiles and with her eyes barely open, she spreads her arms and throws herself into Rose.  

 

“Ah, my sweet Rosie, always knew I could count on you.” Rose almost crashes into the ground with Eris’ sudden tackle, but she kept her balance, helplessly holding Eris’ weight.

 

“Christ, it’s only been just a day and you’re already pissed.” Rose sighs, steadying her almost unconscious sister on her seat. She ties Eris’ hair up and joins her by the bar, letting her sober up a bit. They both sat silently next to each other with Rose watching Eris quietly.

 

“That bad?” Rose finally questions, her voice laced in concern and pity. After yesterday’s eventful breakfast and Eris’ sudden appearance, the two weren’t able to catch up nor see each other until tonight and Rose was dying to know how Eris’ and their father’s talk came about, and what the hell happened to her for the last five for that matter.

 

Head resting against her palms, Eris shifts to face Rose and even though she was intoxicated, she knew right away what her sister was talking about and she couldn’t help but mockingly laugh. “Oh, come on, Rose. Have I really been gone that long? You know dad’s words don’t get to me.”

 

That was true. Eris was always left unaffected by anything their father tells them, but Rose couldn’t help but feel sorry towards her. She hasn’t been in the house for more than ten minutes and already, she’s being treated like a puppet again. Like how she has always been treated her whole life. These are the moments Rose blames her father for Eris leaving. That’s why she was barely home; she refuses to end up like her sister.

 

“Then why are you out here alone drinking yourself to death?”

 

Eris snorts from hearing that remark. “Death sounds too exaggerated, don’t you think?”

 

“You know what I mean, Eris.” Rose deadpans, head tilted to the side.

 

Once she heard Rose’s unamused tone, Eris bites back her tongue from uttering another snide comment. “God, you can really be intimidating sometimes. Nothing, alright? It’s just been a while since I’ve gone out and actually enjoy a night without distractions. Didn’t think I’d be having more than I could handle.”

 

Rose was skeptical at first, searching for any truth that came out from Eris’ mouth, but Eris was too good of a liar to get away with it. After all, she’s been doing a great job at it for half a decade now. Practice does makes it perfect.

 

Eris and Rose spent the next fifteen minutes just chatting like they’ve always done when they were young. Although they were polar opposites and had different interests, they got along really well. So when Eris left without a word, Rose was completely distraught, and even more so when Eris never bothered calling. Rose was hurt, but there was a part in her that wanted to understand why she left. It was suffocating being under their father’s control.

 

Rose felt more at ease seeing Eris laughing and smiling more as they talk. She looked like an absolute mess when she first saw her yesterday. Thinner, dark eye bags, and it was obvious she looked exhausted. And it was not the look of a tired person who just got from a sixteen-hour flight. It’s the kind of tired most people look like when they’ve been under so much stress and anxiety.

 

“Are you sober yet?” Rose asks, finally realizing that she’s been gone long enough from her friends.

 

Eris puts pressure on her temples and squeezes her eyes. “Feeling better, but my head’s still pounding.”

 

Rose gets up and takes Eris’ hand, guiding her. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to a friend. It’s her birthday today.”

 

Both aimlessly make their way through the sea of people with Eris already feeling heavy-eyed. They reach the backstage and Rose brings her to the back end where her friend is standing.

 

“Chrissie!” Rose calls and a raven-haired girl turns around.

 

“Hey! I thought you lost your way back.” Chrissie jokes, grinning widely, a bottle of beer wrapped around her fingers.

 

“Miss me already?” Rose laughs, “I was on my back when I saw my sister.”

 

Chrissie’s eyes move to Eris whose head was resting against Rose’s shoulder. Eris lifts her head up and smiles at her sister’s friend. “Hi, sorry... I...” She clears her throat, pushing back her hair. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Chrissie laughs, “Finally, in the flesh. Rose has told me all about the great Eris Gray. It’s so nice to finally meet you! Are you joining us?”

 

Eris looks at Rose questioningly, almost falling but Rose catches her. “There’s an after-party. You want to come?”

 

Eris tries to pull herself together, shaking her head, but fails miserably. “Wish I could... but I think I should call it a night.” She walks towards Chrissie and hugs her, patting her back. “Happy birthday.”

 

“Thank you!” Chrissie giggles, hugging her back and suddenly felt a weight as Eris loses balance again.

 

Rose quickly runs and grabs Eris by her waist. “Alright, missy. Time to go.” Rose’s arm grips on Eris’ waist and turns her attention to Chrissie. “I’ll take her home and follow.”

 

“No, no, no.” Eris protested, “Just call me a cab. I can go from there.”

 

“Don’t be daft. Look at yourself. You can barely stand.”

 

But Eris insisted. She takes a step back and attempts to stand on her own. “See? I can do it. I’ll be able to catch some fresh air when we get out of here and I’ll be fine then. It’s your friend’s birthday. Stay. Just get me a cab, yeah?”

 

It took Rose a few more seconds before almost giving in, but she knew she just couldn’t let Eris go alone at this state. “Wait for me here, I think I could have someone to drive you home.”

 

“I need some fresh air. I’ll meet you outside. By the telephone booth.”

 

“Roger that!”

 

Eris stood dumbfounded from hearing his name. She hastily leaves the room and panics, confused as to why she’s suddenly having this surge of emotions. “This is just the alcohol… or maybe because of the jetlag.” She kept whispering to herself as she makes her way outside the pub, continuously finding excuses for her own sake. Once she reaches the telephone booth, she leans against the barrier, head tilting and eyes staring at the pavement. “Probably nearing my period, that’s why. Right. That was it.” And she sighs loudly. “Fuck, what am I even saying?”

 

Eris patiently waits for her sister to come out, enjoying her minutes of solace under the dark, cloudy sky. She kept her hands inside her pockets, keeping herself warm, and tries her very best not to think about what happened earlier, or Roger for that matter. She was overwhelmed by the fact that Roger still has that effect on her. After all those years, she thought she had moved on, but god help her, she hasn’t.

 

Ten minutes have passed and Rose still hasn’t appeared, and Eris was getting sleepier by the second.

 

“Eris?” A man’s voice calls, a familiar one at that. Eris knows that voice all too well and it’s alarming enough how she still recognized it as if she hasn’t gone through years of not hearing it. Eris did not dare look up as she tries to ponder if she should just make a run for it. But with her headache and sudden inability to move from her place, she stayed still and in a split second, Roger was there, standing in front of her.

 

“Eris.” He calls again, this time softer, more of a whisper and she finally looks up where her eyes met his.

 

Eris have rehearsed this moment so many times she was sure that when this time comes, she won’t mess it up, but one look at his face, she almost forgot why she came back in the first place. Seconds lingered and she could only stare at Roger, looking more mature since the last time she saw him.

 

“Hey, Rog.” She finally finds the words to say. Roger held her stare for another second and he smiles, as if he was genuinely ecstatic to see her.

 

“Wow, it’s been what? Five, six years? When did you come back?” Eris was surprised at how casual Roger was sounding.  She looks up at him confusingly and right then and there, she realized that this Roger she’s talking to wasn’t the same person she knew when they were still together. She almost gagged. Of course. What did she expect? She should have seen this coming after seeing him that night. It’s been ages, Roger’s got to move on at one point. And he most certainly looked like he did.

 

Eris takes a deep breath and plastered a fake smile. “Yeah, it’s been a while. How are you?”

 

“Really great. The lads and I just got back tonight. We actually played earlier, did you catch us?” Eris couldn’t keep up at how relaxed Roger was, but she had to at least pretend to look unbothered.

 

“I did, actually. You guys sounded amazing.”

 

Roger tilts his head, raising an eyebrow. “You should’ve came to say hi.”

 

Eris’ teeth gritted at that. She never thought Roger could be this thick-faced and insensitive. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes and scoff, she shrugs and folds her arms. “I had too much to drink tonight. Got dizzy before you guys even finished.”

 

“Ah.” The drummer nods. “Rose asked me to take you home actually, if that’s alright with you.”

 

Eris’ eyes widened at that. Suddenly, she felt more awake than ever. “You’ve met Rose?”

 

“Yeah, we met earlier this year. We found out you two were related after I gave her a ride home.”

 

Eris nods slowly, trying to grasp what was happening. In their span of relationship, Roger never formally met Rose. When the family moved to London, Rose decided to stay in their hometown with their grandparents. And the only time she’s ever been in London was a week after Eris left for America.

 

“How did you two meet?”

 

Roger noticed the change of tone in Eris’ voice, but continued his casual demeanor towards Eris. “She’s a friend of Chrissie, Brian’s girlfriend.”

 

They both continue their “small talk” on the way to the parking lot with Roger telling her all about Queen’s journey to stardom as if they didn’t have that nasty break up years ago. And it was pissing Eris off. She was aware of Roger’s pompous persona, but she never realized how much of a prick he can actually be.

 

Once they’ve settled in Roger’s car, Eris instantly felt her eyes getting heavier while Roger continuously tell about their plans for a new album. As she puts her seatbelt on, Eris slouches down, unconsciously shutting her eyes and straightaway drifted off into a deep slumber with Roger’s voice fading.

 

“What about you? How are—” Roger trails off once she noticed Eris already fast asleep. He gapes at her for a while before looking away to start the car. He breathes in and exhales, relieved that he could finally shut up and quit this whole façade. He was all set to get home before the after-party begins when Rose came barging in the VIP section and dragged him away from the groupies surrounding him.

 

“Are you leaving any time soon?” Rose asks when they reach the corner of the room. Queen had just arrived approximately three hours ago and went straight to the pub, a favor Brian had asked the band as it was Chrissie’s birthday and he wanted to surprise her. Although he wanted to spend the rest of the night getting smashed, he was absolutely knackered from their flight and prefers to have a bath and finally sleep for the next two days, if that’s even possible.

 

He takes out his pack of cigarettes and places one into his mouth, lighting the stick. “In a bit, yeah.”

 

Rose sighs in relief as she fumbles through her bag. “Would you mind giving someone a lift home?”

 

Roger breathes in the nicotine, letting it travel through his throat and exhales the smoke out. Leaning against the wall, he smirks at her, lips twitching in amusement. “Depends, is she fit?”

 

Rose scoffed. “I don’t know, Rog. You tell me.”

 

Roger blinks back at her, baffled. “What’s that even supposed to mean?”

 

“It’s Eris.”

 

There was a solid three-second silence between the two of them. At first, Roger thought he heard wrong and he took another second to respond, head inching closer. “Come again?”

 

“Eris, remember? My sister who you knew in college?”

 

If it was even possible, Roger would have straight up said no and left but Rose was oblivious of what happened between him and her sister. When they met seven months ago, Roger had no idea that it was Eris’ sister who he tried to hit on at Abbey Road Studios. For a while, Rose found it entertaining watching Roger Taylor win her over. On their third meeting, Rose turned him down, admitting that she doesn’t swing that way. She was ready to see Roger walk out, feeling insulted, but she was surprised to see a guffawing Roger, nearly falling off his seat. Everything happened so fast. They instantly clicked as mates and one night, out of the blue, Roger was already dropping off his newfound friend at his ex-girlfriend’s house. And as Freddie had put it, “The universe is clearly not in favor of you, dear. You are fucked.”

 

Realizing that Rose doesn’t have the slightest idea of their relationship, Roger, Freddie, John, and Brian kept it that way, letting her believe that they were just acquaintances back in Imperial College. And now, he had to pretend he wasn’t affected by Rose’s favor because hell, why should he refuse to take his mate’s sister home? After all, they both ‘knew’ each other in college.

 

It took him five minutes before he had the guts to come out after Rose was dragged away by Chrissie. And there he saw her. Eris Gray. His best friend. Probably the only person he’s given himself solely to. Freddie’s voice kept playing in his head as he walks towards her. Freddie has never been more correct. He is indeed fucked.


End file.
